Diary of a Lesbian Housewyfe

Sob, sob….  Sniffle.  A great little store with knowledgeable staff and a good vibe.

We need to all remember that local stores like this one are the stores which build our economy.  We need to support them - even when we’re trying to save every dime.  Each dime we can eke out for these local stores comes back to our community over and over again.  Our local stores support local causes, like the dance concert and the women’s hockey league.

When you go to Cabaret, will you see an ad for Wal-Mart or Land’s End or Amazon?  Don’t count on it.  Purchasing goods from outside the community just sends your dollars away.  Dollars that you earned in this community.  Dollars that were earned to pay you by some poor schmuck cowtowing to the tourists (who are few and far between these days), or by your friend Jon, the lawyer, who spends each day at the courthouse defending local people.  The economy is holistic;  it brings us together through the sharing of our wealth, however meager we feel our part of that wealth.

When we lose one of these stores, we all suffer through the loss of easy access to goods, knowledge and charity.

Okay.  I’m getting off my soapbox now.

Now that my brother talked me into getting on Facebook, I’ve found that I’m wanting to blog again.  Whether or not that’s a good thing, we’ll have to wait and see.

For now, I’ve been knitting a sweater for myself, along with several other projects for a certain baby who is yet to arrive.  While I’ve been working on posting tons of pictures of everything on my Ravelry site, I haven’t posted any here because I’m now hiding the pics until the gifts actually are finished and arrive.  Not that the mother will be reading this blog (I don’t think I’ve even told her where it is).  However, due to my paranoia and inevitable belief that the world revolves around me, I have this idea that she might search me out on the internet, or click through my links on Facebook, or something else.

Oh yes.  I think that I might have gone off the deep end on this one.

I don’t know if anyone else is a Sugarland fan, but their new album has a song on it which I’ve been singing in the car each time it rolls around:

“Now it’s poor me, why me, oh me
Boring
the same old worn out blah blah story
There’s no good explanation for it at all

Ain’t no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain’t no need to over think it
Let go laughing
Life don’t go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand
Irrefutable, indisputable
The fact is
It happens”

Doesn’t this just sound like me? Especially the “same old worn out blah-blah story” part. So here we go. My same old worn out blah-blah story.

Since we last convened, Steph and I sold SpringSips and almost had our lives back to the point of regular chaos when Steph’s calf started hurting. After three weeks of pain and a final descent into delirium, I managed to get her to the doctor. Staph infection, emergency surgery, release from hospital (on oral antibiotics!), oral antibiotics didn’t work so scheduled surgery, discovery of rare yet lame lung disease (symptoms = shortness of breath during extreme exertion. Is it just me or doesn’t everyone have that?), release from hospital (on IV antibiotics. Boo!), healing, healing, healing, less healing than there should be, learning to be a nurse and dressing her leg twice a day to promote healing of the suture, healing, healing, pain starts in arms and shoulders, change back to oral antibiotics (yay!), chiropractor visits every two days to get the shoulder and arm pain alleviated. And that’s where we are today. We go to see the doctor on Thursday for our next checkup and I’m expecting good news. Woo-hoo!

During all of this, our manager quit at Cellar Liquors and gave me two weeks notice. So I’m learning to run the liquor store on the fly while being a nurse. Luckily, our chef/manager/chief bottle-washer is still around upstairs and she’s been making some fabulous lunches at the cafe.

Meanwhile at my sweet honey bunny’s bedside, I knitted a sweater and a pair of socks, and preserved about a gross of jellies, jams and butters - all for Christmas gifts.  My silver lining?  I’m almost done with my Christmas crafting!

Well, that was August through now. See. Same old worn out blah-blah story. Eventually I’ll learn to stop making plans so God will stop taunting me.

Okay. Despite the fact that I love knitting and crocheting and cross-stitching my way through the baby stuff, I dislike the baby shower process. (Also the baby-having and the baby-holding process, but that’s another story for another day.)

Inevitably someone thinks that “fun” will be had if we are all forced to race-diaper baby dolls or guess how much baby products cost. Luckily, my sweet honey-bunny and I can attend together (because that’s yet another perk of the lesbian lifestyle! No boys allowed? No problem here!) so we can share those “ohmygodtheyjustcomparedbreastpumps” moments.

Don’t get me wrong. I smile and race-diaper the baby while making fun of the whole thing out loud so that my head doesn’t explode. I try to enjoy the moment with a post-feminist irony. However, I challenge you to fully revel in any sort of irony when surrounded by pastels. Irony just works better in grey and black.

Anyway, while I am unsuccessfully avoiding saying the word “baby” so that my bead necklace doesn’t get stolen, my sweet honey-bunny stealthily plans our escape. Our countdown begins when the presents start to open. As soon as everyone has ooohed and aaaahed over my hours and hours of hard work and fiber choice, we are out of there. Suddenly, it’s “Hey, we’re going to be late for the other, you know.” And “I’m so sorry, but we got double-booked.”

Double-booked with the shower and watching tv at home.

We slip out as quietly as possible and take off for the house.

I love baby knitting, but save me from the showers!

I have another stop on the Baby Express! Right now, I’m working on the Sunny-Side-Up Hoodie in a cute little lavendar color and it’s just making me so happy. I always resist using the same yarn as called for in the pattern (I think I’m just twisted that way) but I am using the Cupcake because I wanted to see how it works up. While not that pleasant to work with, I do think that it’s going to make up into a really cute little sweater. Plus, since the fiber is acrylic, the sweater will be bullet-proof for mama. The pattern is really simple, which works both ways for me. I’m trying to finish for a baby shower on Friday which means a bit of a slog through several inches of garter stitch. On the other hand, the stitching will go quickly, and that means I’ll have the full trousseau finished in time for the shower.

The full trousseau?

LA’s famous Baby Afghan

Bunny Ear Baby Hat

Yet Another Pair of Better-Than-Booties Baby Socks

And the not finished Sunny-Side-Up Baby Hoodie.

All cute. All the time.

New baby bumps are cropping up! One of our sales reps and another friend have both shown up pregnant! I’ve been kind of out of the loop with the rep, because she’s due in June. Whoops! I had no idea that pair of baby socks already had a home. She only stops in once a week. I don’t know how I lost track.

My friend dropped by with her husband and their daughter. Oh so cute! That child has rosy cheeks. Little spots of red high on her cheeks just like a cartoon character. This is, of course, so adorable that I could hardly stand it.

I can’t believe I’ve become so obsessed with knitting & crocheting for children. I mean, I’m not very good with children, and I hate holding babies. Really, I’m afraid I’ll break them. I know, I know. People always assure me that I couldn’t possibly break the baby, but I know if I was the first person in the world to break a baby, and it was their baby, they would absolutely positively never speak to me again.

Ever.

I think the obsession, now that I think about it, has to do with the fact that the projects are tiny and cute and completed quickly. I’m a patient person, but not too patient, and I believe that leads me in the direction of baby projects - especially for knitting. I have enough patience that I don’t mind ripping back a few rows to fix a small issue, but I just don’t have the patience for knitting an afghan (yet!). Perhaps I will leave the afghans to my crocheting side. With crocheting, I don’t usually have an issue with patience.

Of course, we are entering the tennis season and that means I’ll have some time set aside to sit and yell at the television and work on an afghan or two.

Luckily. Who knows who else is pregnant and hasn’t told me yet!

Baby, I’m hooked on baby socks. I can’t help myself.

This obsession started with, unsurprisingly, an impending birth. My friend Whitney announced her pregnancy and I was on a roll. I have a usual gift, a crocheted baby afghan in a simple pattern I created myself. I ordered that yarn, and then began to explore the world of baby knitting during the interim.

Then, I found Ann Budd’s “Better than Booties” baby socks at Knitting Daily. Little did I know that I’d started an obsession. They just looked cute. This is a good way to get into socks, I thought to myself. I’ll try some baby socks for Whitney’s baby.

Meanwhile, without my knowledge or permission(!), two other friends got pregnant. More excuses for baby socks.

I took a quick walk over to my closest local yarn store (The Fiber Exchange) and picked out three skeins (orange, teal and brown). The sales lady gave me a quick glance of disbelief when I plunked the size 0 needles on the counter. “These?” She asked.

“Yeah.”

“They’re so small.”

“I’m making baby socks.” I gave her a smile that tried to say “I can do this. I’m a fearless knitter!” but I think only said “I think I can.”

“You’re brave.” She rang them in and took my credit card.

Ooops. I don’t know if I’m that brave.

Okay. I sat down with all my materials and started looking over the pattern. Ruffle Rib socks. I began working on them. I cursed them. I slowly knitted them up in my lovely peachy-orange. Teeny-tiny-itty-bitty stitches. Row upon row. Finally, a teeny-tiny sock emerged.

Ohmygoditssocuteicanhardlystandit.

After that one came its mate. Then another pair (Cable Rib) and then another (Chevron Lace). I looked at the little row of socks and immediately ordered the Interweave Knits back issue (Fall 2000) which contained the other two patterns (Braided Cables and-be still my heart-Hugs and Kisses).

Now that Whitney has five pairs of baby socks (and has emphatically said, “enough!”), I’m working on socks for the other yet-to-join-us babies. With the last pair I finished, I’ve had to admit some defeat. My fingers are beginning to give way from all those itty-bitty stitches. My new plan is to alternate with the next baby afghan and then some cross-stitch.

Ruffle Rib baby socks in a striping yarn.

I will take breaks. I will take breaks.